makememagnate.

Never been loved so much, until you came into my life to do exactly so.

I’ve come a really long way from where I was to exactly where I am right now. And I don’t think I’d do it any other way. People have confessed to saying “live with no regrets” although really carrying plenty. What boggles my mind deeper is that I truly do have none. All of that shit I thought would never end? Why would I change that? It’s part of me. I thank God everyday for teaching and giving me so much, how could I ever forget everything that makes me, me? I’ve lost my way so many times over so I believe it’s safe to say that I know exactly what I want, what I deserve, what I need to work on, where I wanna be, and precisely how to get me there. You know, you’ll never be younger than you are right now, and if you stride about your life correctly, this will be the ugliest you’ll ever be again. This is one of the prime causes of my changes. Can you believe that?

When one has nothing else, you build your own will power. And when you stop looking for something, you’ll find it. Then when you grasp it, you’ll realize that you don’t need to even try to make it your “Ideal.” It’ll just naturally take its course that way. I believe it, yeah. Cause it happened to me.

As per usual, I don’t ever know if I’m making sense whatsoever as I attempt to concrete my thoughts to prevent my mind from literally blowing up. I never could keep my mouth shut, I tend to think that I form opinions to make them known and well, work from there. If my wisdom’s taken me this far, imagine what it can/will do for anyone else willing to take the 2 seconds to listen. There’s nothing more intoxicating than pure genuity. Let’s spread that, and let the endorphins roll.

Nowadays it amazes me how I can’t picture myself reaching the peak of rage for and/or towards anything in my life. I can’t picture myself even being angry enough to lash out, whether it be to anyone or just the air. When I become upset, all I am is upset. And it’s never an upset or disappointment towards someone but for my lack of ability at that time to better the situation at hand. Intriguing no? Last night, my boyfriend and I “argued” but this has quotations since our voices weren’t raised at all and at the end of every sentence I still addressed him as my Baby. I’ve embraced the part of my personality that can be in the middle of a stressful conversation and forgive the opposite party long before it even comes to an end. Regardless if a solution has been suggested and made or not. My logic is why stress over factors that won’t ever lead to my or the opposite party’s benefit? I figure if I always remember to think about the bigger picture, no argument will ever get out of hand if it couldn’t be prevented in the first place. I think about how much I care for the person on the other, receiving end of my words, and remember that fighting with them is the LAST thing I want to do especially because I care - otherwise an argument wouldn’t have sprouted to begin with.

Then comes the acceptance of my mistakes and my imperfections, they all drive me to do and be better. Not too long ago I professed working on living all that I preach. I’m working on it. Working on truly living and carrying out my deepest beliefs. I never had the patience for phoniness. Isn’t the amount of energy needed to put up a constant fascade exhausting? I’m sure those of you who are and remain like that aren’t too fond of yourselves. I imagine an emptiness that just can’t be filled. So when I come across any of you? Rest assured I will no longer be in your company but I will pray for you. As in the overall improvement of your life is in my thoughts. It’s cause my yellow brick was one heck of a - you can’t even call it a- road that I always am humbled, I stay real, willing to be criticized, form a plan, and move forward. All of these additions and renewals to my pep and personality are what have come from traveling from one point to another and not only surviving, but thriving on purpose.

I’ve grown so much & yes, I have found happiness because I wasn’t scared to have it. I know I deserve it. And that fact alone is what continues to motivate me towards a better path.

I’m in love with the person I have become and continue to grow into. (No hard feelings about my trip from point A to B.)

12111

I sat in that car on the late-night tip, feelin’ lifted, I couldn’t walk straight - I woulda failed a “straight line” test but that didn’t matter - cause when you’re on clouds there’s no need for steppin’, I was floatin’.

Listenin’ to all those jams that reminded me of you, I admitted to her that I’ve been thinkin’ bout you - Frank Ocean, the night before I fell asleep imaginin’ holdin’ you, so emotional. But those thoughts were happy.

I took another pull and French kissed it, I needed those clouds to stay in me - in my throat, my lungs, as long as possible. I puffed it out singing those same jams - we kept ‘em rotatin’.

I said to her - Girl, I keep going back and forth in my mind, thoughts have been racin’ lately - I’ve been jumpin’ from missing him to likin’ my single tip - talking to whomever I please - cause after all that I can’t stand the words “boy” and “friend” making that compound. Ain’t hearin’ it.

Feelin’ weird as I take in another pull, couldn’t kiss this one - my mind was distracted. I told her that makes me happy too.

I’m focusin’ & concentratin’ but when I hear “Love Song” - Big Sean, my heart starts singin’, damn you would’ve thought it was for you I was writin’ - all those pretty words that fill my tone as I puff out yet again another cloud. I thought about those whole two weeks we were locked up spendin’ time in one fog.

Must admit, I miss you - but I’m movin’ on. I love you, but don’t tell me you love me - Big Sean, that’ll be hard for me. In love with you? Well, niggas choose to get outta that.

Another pull - I’m makin’ out with this one.

Dear the US justice system, there is a large possibility that you have killed an innocent man. First Casey Anthony and now this. You’re fucking up. It’s looking like the guilty have a higher chance of getting out of jail than the innocent keeping out of it. I am so disappointed.

John J Bizzy Barlaan

Which is why we need to be the ones who remain focused, keep grounded, and do our best to adapt universally - so that when our time comes, and our voices are louder, we’ll be heard. And make the changes that leaders before us were too afraid to make.

My response.